We’re changing it up by liveblogging via text message, but.. WE’RE BAAAAACK!
8:30pm: Ellen in that sparkly suit…
8:32pm: Lupita and the guy next to her have the same haircut…
8:33pm: ELLEN JUST CALLED LIZA “SIR”!!!
8:34pm: Julia and Sandra look probably the most beautiful they’ve ever looked.
8:35pm: “Meryl has been nominated 18 times” and Leo’s just there like “Please give me one…”
8:36pm: For those of you keeping track, Jennifer Lawrence has fallen 2 times at the Oscars (so far.)
8:39pm: Ellen’s jokes are so on point tonight.
8:40pm: Okay, side note: how effing creepy are all those Oscar statues filling the stage?!
8:41pm: LOVE ME, FASSBENDER.
8:43pm: *Cue Jimmy Fallon “Thank You Notes” Music* Thank you, Oscars, for being PREDICTABLE.
8:45pm: Inability to correctly understand each other’s texts is preventing Kate’s commentary, in case you’re wondering…
8:50pm: Kerry is absolutely radiant.
8:51pm: Does anyone have an answer to why that hat keeps happening, though?
8:52pm: Okay, I need a gif of Meryl shimmying with Pharrell ASAP.
8:53pm: Pharrell’s performance was universes better than Taylor the Talentless at the GRAMMYs. (Sorry, if I don’t hate on her at least once an hour, I’ll spontaneously combust.)
8:57pm: Reason #2390887342 Why I Love Benedict Cumberbatch:
9:03pm: Harrison Ford, you are still a fox.
9:11pm: McConaughey is looking a teensy-weensy bit orange. #AlrightAlrightAlright
9:14pm: Okay, that French dude was adorable.
9:15pm: MY BROTHER HATES THE CROODS! FROZEN BETTER WIN!
9:16pm: BRB singing “Let It Go” for the rest of the night…
9:17pm: Honestly, one of the main reasons I stay in NYC is for the possibility of a random Bill Murray encounter.
9:19pm: Totally forgot Will Smith played Muhammad Ali (and perhaps that’s for the best.)
9:20pm: OMG I want JGL for myself, but I also would be the biggest fan of him and Emma Watson together. Kate: “DREAM TEAM. POWER COUPLE.”
9:22pm: Like, duh Gravity won for best special effects. They had to animate space!
9:23pm: Zac Efron…
9:26pm: This Muppets commercial is an accurate representation of my morning commute.
9:28pm: THANK YOU, BUZZFEED.
9:36pm: Bradley Cooper with a perm is something that you cannot un-see.
9:40pm: Eh, that was a little much.
9:41pm: FRANK. UNDERWOOD. Kate: “He’s taking this character too seriously. I’m concerned.”
9:43pm: What a sweet Brangelina moment!
9:44pm: Kate: “Soo real talk, where is Idina?” IDK BUT I AM SO EXCITED FOR HER PERFORMANCE!!!
9:49pm: I hope he says “Thank you to Italy.”
9:50pm: Roma is close enough. Forza Roma!
9:51pm: Tyler Perry? Oh god.
9:54pm: Hashtag outfit change!
9:55pm: “Oh, U2 released that song again…” I can’t remember who originally said that, but I stole that joke.
I hope to someday love something half as much as Bono loves shopping at Sunglass Hut pic.twitter.com/Fo80F10WJ7
— samir mezrahi (@samir) March 3, 2014
10:03pm: This selfie is going to be my new phone background…
10:09pm: Seriously, though.
— Ellen DeGeneres (@TheEllenShow) March 3, 2014
10:12pm: I just love J.Law and I want her to wiiiiiin!
10:14pm: I am 100% okay with Lupita winning. And look at her holding her dress so she doesn’t fall…
10:16pm: I am crying, she is so beautiful and eloquent and talented and amazing. So well deserved. And this Willy Wonka song playing her off… #dead
10:30pm: This is way delayed but Ellen’s Oscars pizza party was perfect.
10:34pm: Liza’s got me thinking about a different Oscar…
10:38pm: I LOVE PINK.
10:51pm: I just spent an unreasonable amount of time doing this:
10:55pm: RIP PAUL WALKER </3
10:59pm: I can’t right now, Bette.
11:01pm: Too many feels.
11:03pm: Okayyyy so, like, can Idina come out and sing? Because this grandma needs her beauty rest.
11:12pm: Jamie Foxx right now…
11:17pm: This dude won the EGOT! How cool. Gunna go listen to “Let It Go” on repeat.
11:29pm: They are so good at dragging these things out, huh?
11:32pm: Angelina is the real life Elsa #LETITGO
11:33pm: Lupita with her Oscar is the most adorable thing ever.
11:35pm: Please see previous comment about the Oscars being predictable.
11:38pm: Kate pointed out that the speeches this year have been really beautiful, and I have to agree. Way to go, actors.
11:42pm: We can just assume Cate is going win this one, yeah?
11:48pm: J.LAW! J.LAW! J.LAW!
11:51pm: Alright, aright, alright…
11:55pm: It’s almost midnight so let’s get to it! Why is Will Smith presenting best picture???
11:59pm: Lupita is chatting with Benny Cumberbatch and now she is my idol.
12:00am: That’s it for us! I’ll be busy photoshopping us into Vanity Fair photos…#BYE.